Wed Feb 9/05
Many degrees of separation

Welcome to Bovine University
The end to the US ban on Canadian beef is either a fabulous teachable moment about politics or a terrible one, depending on whether you want your student to become a cynical bastard. One mad cow closed the border and kept it closed for over a year. The recent discovery of two more cases of BSE, on the other hand, appears to have no effect save possibly to expedite the border's re-opening. "As always," Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns somehow managed to say with a straight face, "decisions will be based on the latest scientific information and with the protection of the public and animal health the highest priority."

Annoying Sun Columnist, I
TORONTO — Steve Simmons makes his case for jail time for Dany Heatley:

Celebrity justice in the US is a joke. Dany Heatley should have gone to jail. He was responsible for a man's death. His sentence of probation and 150 speeches is a horrible message to send to the public.

Not very convincing at all, is it? "Get into a bad car accident and you might go to jail for 15 years" — now that's a horrible message. 

Annoying Sun Columnist, II
CALGARY — Paul Jackson gives himself a rave review for his Canada-bashing speech to Republicans Abroad in Guadalajara. He made his audience "gasp" and cast "almost disbelieving looks" (smart people, these) in his direction at his stories of Trudeau's hardcore communism and Chrétien's suggestion (that is, Jackson's artistically partisan interpretation of what Chrétien actually said) that the "Americans got what they deserved with the terrorist attacks on 9/11 because of their alleged wealth, greed and power." He even brings up Canada Steamship Lines' decision to go with flags of convenience — again with this! — and suggests "such a betrayal of patriotism would have finished off an American politician on the spot."

Well what about you, Paul Jackson? Your newspaper responded to a "don't let the door hit your ass on the way out" letter-writer with something along the lines of "Jackson criticizes Canada because he cares." Please forgive my scepticism:

Frankly, I felt like singing the Star-Spangled Banner and putting my hand over my heart and reciting the pledge of allegiance — and one day maybe I will.

Sorry, but I cannot feel the love.